past wounds

February 20, 2010

~
Sue was my girlfriend
From the ninth grade to college
She was a princess
 
She lived in a huge mansion
Her chauffeur drove her to school
In her blue convertible
His name was “Shorty”
 
Life looked good on the outside
Sue was the oldest of five
Her father I rarely saw
Her mother stayed near
 
She was beautiful
Her world was as sad as mine
Although hers appeared the best
Money hid the tragedy
It hid all of the emptiness
Suicide was the result
 
I thought we lived in two worlds
But later I saw the truth
We came from the same sad world
Relationships dark
 
We met in our woundedness
She was very kind to me
Our hearts were breaking with grief
With no words to speak
 
At eighteen we parted ways
Trying to hang on to love
She went to the Ivy League
I went to Ole Miss
 
Our letters were sweet
Our voices became distant
We could not sustain our love
It was not enough
 
My life fell apart
Despair became a doorway
Sue’s dad died by his own hand
We were both empty
My search led me to seek life
Her search led her to despair
 
Her depression led to her death
Sadness and grief crushed us all
Money could not fix the pain
Our hearts were broken
 
Terry S. Smith
December 20, 2008
 
In memory of Sue, who died at age twenty-six.
~
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8 Responses to “past wounds”

  1. If I am with someone and I have full faith that he can be the husband and father that I am looking for AND if I believe I can embrace and respect the religion, then yes, converting is an option. If he can accept me if I simply embrace and accept his religion, even better.

  2. bobfunk12 said

    Tradgedy crys out here! How futile this love became. What different path could be taken to preserve this friend and love? Life so fragile and vunerable. Do we take the time to see the constant pain of another and become a strong solution or do we just see ourselves?

    • Terry Sanford Smith said

      We were two broken people, ill-equipped to deal with the relationship reality we both lived in at the time. I was too immature and without the tools, or the language, to provide help. My questions surfaced, and I am in a life long journey of seeking to know how to love those around me authentically. The tragedy became the doorway to discovering real forgiveness. Thanks for your comments.

  3. Terry Sanford Smith said

    Sue wrote me the kindest note when I married Charlotte in 1965. She was reflecting on our time together, and expressing an offer of the continued gift of friendship.

    I was living in Memphis when she took her life. We talked a few times, but I was not aware she was in such a depressed state. She was very special to me, and my life was deeply enriched from knowing her and her kindness. I still have waves of deep sadness when I think of her loss.

    We all have wounds along the way. One of the purposes of me writing this blog, is to offer hope to those in need.

  4. leighton miller said

    Terry, I remember sue well. We dated some in high school and I really liked her. But after school I joined the navy and she went off to college. After the navy I spent a lot of time in Memphis. Several years later, I heard that she had killed herself. I hate that all the times I was in Memphis, I never did call or go see her. And I still think about that sometimes.Hope to see you at the reunion.

  5. I use this high tech to write how all of us need high touch. Thank you for the hope you offer out of your pain.

    I want to learn to love to save the Sue’s that cross my path.

    This poem deeply moved me, and the timing, is appropriate for the private matters I am dealing with.

    Thank you.

  6. Real success comes in small portions day by day. You need to take pleasure in life’s daily little treasures. It is the most important thing in measuring success.

  7. That’s a pretty nice post, i was reading something related on another web page not too long ago that essentially said the same thing although yours is better,
    plus its good to have some validation on seeing two sources agree.

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