Handprints
March 16, 2011
I see your handprints
Looking back I sit in awe
Your gentle hand led
Me out of captivity
Into a world of freedom
In my anguish I cried out
There was no comfort for me
No one saw how desperate
How broken I was
I longed to find peace
To feel the presence of love
To find the understanding
Someone to listen
My search born of emptiness
In the prison of my shame
A deep loneliness
A soul shattered by my guilt
With no one I could turn to
No language to speak
The years of abandonment
Unspeakable grief lingered
I felt like I was nothing
My failures condemned my soul
My heart confirmed my no hope
No one could help me
I remembered her
My grandmother on her knees
The joy of her love
Her delight when she saw me
The light of love in her eyes
The light I wondered
That twinkle of joyfulness
I knew God was real
I could feel him in her touch
I knew she deeply loved me
My struggle was to believe
That there was a higher love
My thirst to find out the truth
Find a way to live
She opened the door
Her kindness drew me to search
Knowledge is what I needed
My hunger increased
Something in me was driving
Something larger than my pain
I went to the mountain
Got a vision of the peace
Saw joy inviting
An invitation to love
To receive it and give it
My mom and dad were clueless
I did not know why they raged
Or why they could not see me
Now I understand
My search for insight
My longing to understand
My hunger to not repeat
Find a way to peace
Give my children faithful love
Created a great passion
This longing marked me
A fire to discover joy
A mystery ignited
Determination to know
How to be loved and to love
Meditations written after interacting with the thoughts in Psalm 77 and Proverbs 16.
© Terry S. Smith
March 16, 2011
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