Receive Divine Love

December 13, 2011

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Suffering does have a purpose
Though it hurts beyond words
When you are falsely accused
And you choose to love

Forgiveness – a choice I make
A painful process I know
Son of Man and Son of God
One who shows me how

He endured the pain
All the rejection and shame
Physical, emotional
The loss of all family
Left alone to die for me

The question of faith
Each must give their own answer
I know the story
I’m reminded this season
When I sing “O Holy Night”

I fall on my knees
His story touches my soul
Takes me to the heart of God
Embraces the pain
Gives me the power to love
And forgive those who wronged me

You hear the invitation
To come and rest in His peace
To drink the living water
Receive Divine Love

I seek the silence
When I am quiet I hear
The quiet whisper
Of a love larger than me
Embracing my soul with joy

~
© Terry S. Smith
December 9, 2011
 
Inspired by the song “O Holy Night”, sung by David Phelps, (sent to me by Jerry Dantone, a high school friend), and reflections from the first letter Peter wrote in the New Testament. 
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No time for my tears

September 18, 2011

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There was no time for my tears

At seven years old life changed

Relationships were shattered

Love bonds were broken

~

No one would explain

I guess no one had the words

Each lost in their own pain

~

Angels attended

There was comfort in silence

An unseen presence

~

Many hours to wonder

To feel the deep grief alone

To discover a secret

A love deep within my soul

And a hunger to know more

~

As I grew older

My desire to understand

Grew exponentially

A desire to know

What is this unseen presence

I was hungry to know more

~

Gladness and joy came

In the searching I could see

Love pursuing me

~

Sorrow and sighing

Experienced deep comfort

From the unseen God

~

© Terry S. Smith

September 18, 2011

Written after reading Isaiah 50 & 51 and recalling memories from my life story.

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Extravagant Love

March 26, 2011

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The voices that I hear

Are the ones who are not speaking

Their silence is screaming out

I do know their pain

 

Suffering is the teacher

It is one I did not choose

Desperation silenced me

I now have language

 

All along the way

People have arisen here

I did not know I needed

Their voices touched me

Their presence ignited me

A fire lit up my soul

 

Friendship sets me free

To listen to the heartbreak

And wait in silence

Compassion invites me in

Only my tears tell my heart

 

It is the language of tears

It is my deepest desire

To make real what is the truth

Extravagant love

 
© Terry S. Smith
First posted August 5, 2009
 

Your Beauty

March 23, 2011

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Please cherish your life story
Your familiarity
Blinds you to your own beauty
You must look closer
 
It takes a paradigm shift
A change of lenses to see
Pain as being a part of
Beauty in your life
 
It is in the silent night
There is a whisper of love
Heard only in the stillness
A quiet thunder
 
The chaos was a great gift
Looking back I clearly see
The pain caused me to search out
Love searching for me
~
© Terry S. Smith
First posted July 16, 2009
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Handprints

March 16, 2011


I see your handprints
Looking back I sit in awe
Your gentle hand led
Me out of captivity
Into a world of freedom

In my anguish I cried out
There was no comfort for me
No one saw how desperate
How broken I was

I longed to find peace
To feel the presence of love
To find the understanding
Someone to listen 
My search born of emptiness
In the prison of my shame

A deep loneliness
A soul shattered by my guilt
With no one I could turn to
No language to speak
The years of abandonment
Unspeakable grief lingered

I felt like I was nothing
My failures condemned my soul
My heart confirmed my no hope
No one could help me

I remembered her
My grandmother on her knees
The joy of her love
Her delight when she saw me
The light of love in her eyes

The light I wondered
That twinkle of joyfulness
I knew God was real
I could feel him in her touch
I knew she deeply loved me

My struggle was to believe
That there was a higher love
My thirst to find out the truth
Find a way to live

She opened the door
Her kindness drew me to search
Knowledge is what I needed
My hunger increased
Something in me was driving
Something larger than my pain

I went to the mountain
Got a vision of the peace
Saw joy inviting
An invitation to love
To receive it and give it

My mom and dad were clueless
I did not know why they raged
Or why they could not see me
Now I understand

My search for insight
My longing to understand
My hunger to not repeat
Find a way to peace
Give my children faithful love
Created a great passion

This longing marked me
A fire to discover joy
A mystery ignited
Determination to know
How to be loved and to love

Meditations written after interacting with the thoughts in Psalm 77 and Proverbs 16.
 
© Terry S. Smith
March 16, 2011
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Searching

March 3, 2011

~

Those I loved were gone

I sat in the darkest night

Afraid, not able to speak

Alone and helpless

~

At the darkest time

No hope on the horizon

Light broke in the dawn

~

To live was my decision

There was fire in my being

Mysterious energy

Coming from within

~

My search became real

The path began to open

The pain was universal

Everyone’s lot

All around there were others

Searching to find what was real

~

It is easy to escape

And medicate all the pain

That is what my parents did

And gave it to me

~

Was I to repeat

And give this to my children

I decided, “No!”

~

I found a community

Of people wanting to know

Seeking knowledge and insights

How to be human

~

Searching is the key

Being honest and fearless

Not afraid to ask questions

Even about death

We’re at different places

But at one in our seeking

 

© Terry S. Smith  ~ First posted March 3, 2010

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The Pearl

January 3, 2011

~
I have a vision
I’m committed to a process
The path along the way
Is riddled with distractions
Awareness keeps me alert
~
If I focus on the outcome
I am sure to lose my way
I sharpen my vision
Train daily to love
~
A human is marvelous
Like a rough pearl has layers
These layers must be removed
Pealed off with great care
~
Underneath is the treasure
The secret that is hidden
With thought and concentration
Can be found in love
~
Look beyond the circumstance
You will find you can do it
It will take courage and faith
And your best thinking
~
Rising out of chaos
Each person can discover
There is hope larger than pain
Turn and listen
Seek and find this great treasure
The mystery of great joy
 
© Terry S. Smith
December 31, 2010
 
 
Happy New Year!
A word from God – “I will peal the layers back each day; you will shine and they will see me.”  Reflections after reading Proverbs and John 15.  Insight is available to those who seek it with all the heart.  Proverbs gives clues.
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A Place of Peace

December 30, 2010

  

 My parents failed me
They did not know how to love
Their lives were broken 
Not able to trust people
They made decisions that hurt
~   

I’m also flawed and broken
I’ve harmed others with actions
Unintentionally caused pain
Guilt imprisoned me
A love much higher found me
Forgave and renewed my soul
~

When I’m confronted
With the wrongs that I have done
I look through other’s eyes
I see my selfish ways
I could not bear to see it
If mercy was not with me

~
It became mine to search out
What was true and what was not
How to have relationships
With myself and others 
 ~

Two things I cherish
Wisdom and understanding
They are paths to peace
~
Patience is the fruit
For those who will learn to wait
From a place of peace
Seeing marvelous things
Learning the rhythm of time
  ~
I’ve learned to reverence life
I arise to meet the day
I found rest and contentment
Untouched by trouble
 ~
Then I gain knowledge
Of how to love another
To see the world through their eyes
Understand their world
To look with great compassion
Accept and forgive with love
~
© Terry S. Smith
December 25, 2010
~
Reflections written as I read through Proverbs 19 and John 15, (Jesus final words to his friends before he died).

I searched out a way to love.

 
  

 

Be still

August 2, 2010

~

Be still and know that God exists

He entered the world of pain

Became human, faced our shame

And said, “I forgive you.”

~

No sweeter words I have heard

Expressed with great compassion

There is One who understands

Who loves and forgives

 ~

He understands the deep pain

As the Father gave His Son

Was silent when they killed him

Sacrifice of love

~~~

He is closer than the blood

That is flowing through your veins

He is the air that you breathe

You’re held in His hands

~~ 

 

When I cannot sleep

I will arise and weep with

A friend who will never leave

I know this by faith

It’s become certain and sure

His promise always restores

 ~

I will meditate

I’ll choose my focus today

I am worn out with groaning

My tears fill my bed

And I drench my couch with tears

My eyes grow weak with sorrow

~~ 

 

The Lord hears my cry

He accepts my weak prayers

There is no language to speak

Unspeakable loss

I can only surrender

To the one who understands

~

Terry S. Smith

August 2, 2010

Meditations written after reading Psalm 1–8, Proverbs 2, and Romans 8.  Dedicated to the LaVelle Family.

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learn to love

June 30, 2010

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Marriage is complex
Honesty and confession
I didn’t know what I was doing
Taking responsibility
I learned how to love
~
I’ve given a lot of thought
Looking back at my story
I stand outside myself
Look down at my dilemma 
Muse, ponder, and remember
~
I found a new path
And help along the way
From those who were living free
Seek and you will find
~ 
Intimate presence
A woman who likes herself
Even in her weaknesses
Reflects a real joy
Is able to live the day
Peaceful, kind, transparent
~
I know a woman like that
Been married forty-five years
Complex but very simple
Brilliant but approachable
~
Rejoice in the day
She is able to do it
Regardless of me
~ 
Intense suffering 
Along with desperate prayer
You’ll find peace 
A window of hope opens
To a love larger than life
~
© Terry S. Smith
June 26, 2010
Written after meditating on Psalm 118
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Souls refined

June 22, 2010

~
Life’s pain is like a furnace
The soul is refined by fire
Hope is born in the process
Joy is discovered
 
Those of us who know the pain
Who still live in it today
Can listen and understand
And offer new hope
 
© Terry S. Smith
Dedicated to A. Thomas
~
 

What I often hear ….

April 23, 2010

~

“I am so busy
I cannot hear myself think
If I slow down I’m afraid
Of what’s inside me
If I stop I’ll hear the voice
Of the brokenness in me”

“Where can I go with that pain
Who can listen to my story
Do I dare bring it to the light
The hurt and the shame”

“No one really knows
Does anyone really care
Is there someone I can trust
Who will not bring judgment
Who will choose to listen to truth
And be willing to forgive”
  
I know what matters
It’s the person before you
Who’s looking you in the eye
Listening with care
Loving with no strings attached
It’s a gift beyond measure
  
© Terry S. Smith
April 23, 2010
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searching

March 3, 2010

~
Those I loved were gone
I sat in the darkest night
Afraid, not able to speak
Alone and helpless
~
At the darkest time
No hope on the horizon
Light broke in the dawn
~
To live was my decision
There was fire in my being
Mysterious energy
Coming from within
~
My search became real
The path began to open
The pain was universal
Everyone’s lot
All around there were others
Searching to find what was real
~
It is easy to escape
And medicate all the pain
That is what my parents did
And gave it to me
~
Was I to repeat
And give this to my children
I decided, “No!”
~
I found a community
Of people wanting to know
Seeking knowledge and insights
How to be human
~
Searching is the key
Being honest and fearless
Not afraid to ask questions
Even about death
We’re at different places
But at one in our seeking
 
© Terry S. Smith
March 3, 2010
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past wounds

February 20, 2010

~
Sue was my girlfriend
From the ninth grade to college
She was a princess
 
She lived in a huge mansion
Her chauffeur drove her to school
In her blue convertible
His name was “Shorty”
 
Life looked good on the outside
Sue was the oldest of five
Her father I rarely saw
Her mother stayed near
 
She was beautiful
Her world was as sad as mine
Although hers appeared the best
Money hid the tragedy
It hid all of the emptiness
Suicide was the result
 
I thought we lived in two worlds
But later I saw the truth
We came from the same sad world
Relationships dark
 
We met in our woundedness
She was very kind to me
Our hearts were breaking with grief
With no words to speak
 
At eighteen we parted ways
Trying to hang on to love
She went to the Ivy League
I went to Ole Miss
 
Our letters were sweet
Our voices became distant
We could not sustain our love
It was not enough
 
My life fell apart
Despair became a doorway
Sue’s dad died by his own hand
We were both empty
My search led me to seek life
Her search led her to despair
 
Her depression led to her death
Sadness and grief crushed us all
Money could not fix the pain
Our hearts were broken
 
Terry S. Smith
December 20, 2008
 
In memory of Sue, who died at age twenty-six.
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Discovery

January 11, 2010

~
A steadfast spirit
I seek on this life journey
What does that look like?
~
I think of kindness
And respect for others
Those nearest me
~
I’ll look to refresh
Learn what it means to love them
Consider their needs
~
I am in training
To learn a foreign language
The language of love
~
Give respect to all
Because they are human beings
Just because they are
We all make a decision
What is the basis of love?
~
How I will treat you
Will be determined by me
Not by how you treat me
I learned this from my teacher
Who modeled living in joy~
 
Love that is larger than life
Peace that is deeper than pain
Joy that is overflowing
A discovery

It’s outside the box
A treasure to be found
By those who are seeking
 
© Terry S. Smith
January 11, 2010
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