A Gentle Touch

February 7, 2015

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I take refuge in the Lord
As a child I came to him
In the night I sought his help
Alone and crying

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His gentle love came
In the silence tenderly
Her nurturing hands
Touched and held me with kindness
My grandmother knew how to care

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Lost her at seven
And other dear ones who cared
Hatred won the day
Trauma entered my pathway
Loss of love ones became real

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What can a child say
No words can explain the pain
There’s no one who hears me cry
Alone with my tears
I was held in the darkness
Looking back I can see it

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When I became big
I read this story of love
A gentle man came
His life attracted my soul
Compassion drew me to him

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The little boy remembers
In the night I found comfort
This mysterious love came
Gently held my soul

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I fell in love with Jesus
His kindness and compassion
Has healed my soul with wonder
Touched my soul with joy

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Fear and fretting blind
They will hide his compassion
Rob the soul of life
My God says, “Don’t be afraid!
I’ll not leave you desolate.”

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This friendship calls me
To not believe “in” Jesus
But believe Jesus
Present and counting my tears
With His promise to help me

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Every one has a story. I found that good reflection creates space to remember the past and look ahead to the future. I cannot define the future when my anxiety and fears keep me from seeing past the present. Whose words I trust when the trouble comes becomes my decision. I believe God is my friend and your friend. I will not allow my perception of him to be defined by the people who claim to be his followers or those who react to others perception. Religion fails and people fail. Looking back on the abandoned child the mystery of love showed up for me that is undeniable. I certainly can’t prove it nor can anyone disprove it. What the “trouble” did was caused me to get into a quest to know what is really true. Was the one who claimed “to give life and give it abundantly” a liar, crazy or telling the truth? I decided to be a seeker of what is real in this world and I found his teaching and the way he lived resonate with my deepest soul wound. I made it my aim fifty-four years ago to find out what makes sense in life because what happened to me as a child. I did not want the same thing to happen to my children. Psalms became my mother and Proverbs became my father. I found their words trustworthy and enlightening then and now!

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Psalm 37 prompted these thoughts this morning. All the best on your journey.

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Relief or Healing

January 16, 2015

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Where are you God in my pain
I can’t hear you or see you
My grief and fear are mixed
I’m broken inside

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Who will come and help
I cry in desperation
Can you hear me, God
The silence is deafening
In unbelief and belief

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You said for me to “Be Still”
And know that you are God
My anxiety blinds me
My fear imprisons

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I need you to come
Keep your promises you gave
I am overwhelmed
There is no one to comfort
My body and soul feel dead

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I need a resurrection
You understand all my grief
You meet me with compassion
I will wait for you

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You always come at right times
My soul is refined by fire
False thinking I’ve depended on
No longer secures

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I stand waiting for relief
Your comfort is far away
That is the way I’m feeling
I find no relief

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“I have come to heal
To bring hope to the hopeless
Freedom for the prisoners
Give sight to the blind
Bring good news to the poorest
Give all the captives freedom”

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Healing instead of relief
Is the promise He’s given
With mixed feelings do we hear
Choose who we will trust

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Reading Psalm 16 and 46 reveal a narrow path of hope. We all find ourselves at some time in the spot these reflections communicate. When I decided that I did not want relief but I wanted healing above all, a pinhole of light entered my world. I chose to move toward that light with trust and hope to make it through the storm I was in at the time. We all think no one understands. That is a lie. There is One who does and comes to bring that healing that only He can give. I choose to “Be still” trusting His words today. 

Good Conversation

January 13, 2015

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Good conversation
Is available to all
Who will receive love

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One person I will talk to
Is the one who initiates
Who reaches out with kindness
In the little things

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This person I discovered
Is willing to listen well
And is full of surprises
Begins in silence

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It’s hard to be still
The noise of the “to do” list
Imprisons my soul
And stops me from seeing me
And the one who loves me so

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I get sick of me
I’m the root of the problem
The one who loves me says “Stop!”
“Be still and listen”
The God who made you loves you
His only Son gave His life

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I decided to trust Him
Take His word rather than mine
Enter this love covenant
Respond to His gift

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He gave me His Spirit of Peace
The forgiveness I longed for
Conversation I needed
Based on a promise

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This resurrection promise
Has the power to change things
And restore my wounded soul
He knocks at the door

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It’s a daily thing
I practice with discipline
A choice I can make

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“Behold, I stand at the door”
Is the voice I’ll listen to
I will enter His Presence
And rest in His Love

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True words are powerful. They set a person free to be fully alive inside. I train to live from the inside out as a way of life. God, Creator of the Universe made us in His image. He made it clear by the love demonstrated through His Son that we are His priority. Every person counts with God. He always listens and responds uniquely to each person who calls out in response to His Love. I believe with all my heart that you are favored and Beloved. I could be right!

Light

December 27, 2014

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To say I’ll walk in the light
Brings me joy and great sorrow
Because I can remember
And I am aware

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When I walked in the darkness
I was blind and did damage
To myself and other ones
This is the problem

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I lost some good friends
Who gave to me from the heart
I took and did not return
Give back the love gift
I know I’m hard on myself
That is still all about me

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Growing up is hard
When one misses the stages
Others will suffer
Maturing comes through the pain
The trials and the hardships

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What is good in me is this
I was looking for the light
Darkness is what held me captive
My tears called his love

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Confusion and the chaos
Growing up was the challenge
Navigating the losses
Is what each must do
No one escapes the darkness
No one can hide from the light

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Moments of silence
In the abandonment years
Came my life questions
Suicides, alcohol, grief
Love entered in little ways

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Pinholes of light came
Little kindnesses given
A smile and a gentle word
Of affirmation
Were the surprising moments
Were embraced with great delight

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Light brings the delight
Forgiveness breaks through with joy
For myself and the others
This love was revealed to me
Through the life of Jesus Christ

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He led with real compassion
His gentleness drew me in
Religion orchestrated
Making sure he died

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He died a horrible death
I cannot even fathom
The magnitude of this loss
Love it represents

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He is my pinhole of light
My failure as a human
Is connected to his death
And resurrection

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I have peace today
Forgiving myself right now
Forgiving others
Accepting the light of his love
And giving it to others

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I’ll make no demands on you
We can be a reflection
But not the reality
God is near to love

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These secret truths are revealed all along the way in the process of growing up and deciding to never give up! There is so much to learn on the journey and I hope to never stop learning. One thing I am determined to do is never stop moving toward the light even in the darkest hour. The movie “Unbroken” is a good example of light coming in the darkness and the power of never giving up. Love never fails. It must start with me and not the other person. Forgiveness opens the window of the human heart to the light of inexpressible joy!

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“Delta Blues From Darkness to LIght” can be reviewed on Amazon and is $0.99 cents on Kindle. It is my story of the painful but hopeful process of continuing to discover light.

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A Love Without End

April 26, 2011

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What I delight in
Will help you know who I am
Watch closely and you will see
We’re like a mirror
A man’s face reflects his soul
Man’s actions tells the real truth
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The two together
When they are walking as one
When their aim is love
Like a fresh drink of water
Will delight a thirsty soul
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No one can deny
My life is muddied sometimes
My soul needs cleansing
I come confessing my sins
God’s always glad to see me
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A daily cleansing
I do not take for granted
A love without end
Engaging head, heart and soul
A discipline I have found
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I found gentleness given
By faith I receive this love
A presence that’s mystical
A certainty found
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In solitude I have found
Three things I’ve experienced
After fifty years I write
Of life, love and hope
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Silence has taught me
To watch for the sacred path
Rekindle the fire within
To speak words of life
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Psalm one nineteen calls
To look closely within me
To see what brings me delight
Realigns my soul
It calls me to turn and see 
To think about what matters
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The discipline of quiet
My daily invitation
To stop the noise and listen
To the voice of love
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This I must practice
I do it because I must
To learn how to love my life
In all my weakness
To see others with mercy
To give as I’ve been given
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© Terry S. Smith
April 26, 2011
Meditations written while reading Psalm 119:32-111.
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Choices

October 25, 2010

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In silence I consider
All the choices I’m given
It comes down to two
I will trust God or trust man
Today I have made the choice
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“I will not die but live”
The Psalmist speaks to my mind
I know now what God has done
Loving kindness came
I considered and believed
Accepted his love in my shame
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A faithful lover
Is the God of the morning
One who comes at noon
Who sits with me during the day
At night I lie down in peace
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He knows the trouble
He chose to be one of us
He will not leave me
Gives me the invitation
To come to him as I am
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I will enter and give thanks
With all of my heart and soul
I thank you for your kindness
Gentleness and love
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Where can I go to find you
I’m confused and all alone
“You need not go anywhere
I’m here, just ask me”
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I found him to be 
Close as the blood in my veins
A mystery found
A love I long to give
To all my children’s children
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© Terry S. Smith
Written October 24, 2010
Meditations from Proverbs 24; Psalm 118; John 15.
Dedicated to my daughter Elizabeth on her birthday.
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