Early Morning Times
January 4, 2015
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My best questions come
In the early morning times
In quiet moments
I’m confronted with my life
My fears and anxieties
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I’m frightened sometimes by dreams
By realities of life
For others and for myself
My questions are hard
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What do I believe
I struggle with unbelief
About the world and the pain
How do I view me
And the big question is God
And the meaning of friendship
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I take the time to be still
To listen and contemplate
The puzzle of this journey
That involves my life
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In my early life
I learned to detach myself
To not feel the pain
My imagination flew
To a place where I felt safe
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I could settle down
With memories that were good
Of people who cared
Grandmothers and the neighbors
There was a secret comfort
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I found in the solitude
A forced abandonment pain
A feeling of helplessness
With no person there
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Solitary confinement
On the raft of shifting seas
With sharks all around
I was searching for answers
To understand and survive
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It was in this search
To find out who I can trust
I found a focus
Big enough to contain me
Give me perspective on my life
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No easy answers
But confidence I could find
The hidden love presented
By One I could trust
Who never failed to give love
To broken and lost children
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I am one of His
If I ask the question,”Why?”
I must ask then “Why not me?”
We all have a cross
His mysterious presence came
“Don’t be afraid, I’m with you”
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Reflections after reading Psalm 4, 34 and 64. Proverbs 4:7. I had no mother or father to guide my thinking or big enough to listen to the pain. I had no words to communicate. There was only silence and a simple prayer taught me. “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take.” There was a song I learned that I sang, “Jesus Loves Me” this I know. I chose as a child to hold onto this mysterious unseen love and to trust this unseen God. I grew up and learned his story and discovered there was One who was with me when I was unaware and the angels were attending. His love was there and looking back I can see. He brought me through it all with His angels attending. He will bring you through. In the midst of my unbelief I cry out confessing it and pray “Help my unbelief!
Why Christmas?
December 23, 2014
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I will meet with you alone
There is no greater moment
Than being in your presence
The secret treasure
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You delivered me
From the bonds of slavery
A prison inside
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My heart demands perfection
I can never measure up
To be able to please all
It’s impossible
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So I stand guilty
Behind the bars of performing
Looking for affirmation
So someone will see
I am a person of worth
My grief and losses scream out
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I have hidden faults
Secret ones that condemn me
I can’t measure up
Beliefs about me are a lie
I keep looking for relief
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I found in silence
Behind the condemnation
The noise of judgment stopped cold
When I looked in eyes
Of the Creator of life
Who showed me that He loved me
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Stillness is so hard
Because my own heart condemns me
I need to be held
Comforted like a small child
Held in the arms of my friend
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I found this unseen love
In stillness God came to me
I focused on His dear son’s
Compassionate love
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He knows each of us
With understanding He comes
He has chosen you
Knows your name and your pain
Says, “Your are my Beloved”
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I could be right about this
“You are Special and Beloved”
I’m not talking religion
But relationship
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Friendship that’s deep and lasting
A friend who will never leave
A joy that’s unspeakable
Love that cherishes
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This secret treasure
Is for all those who seek truth
Who decide to fight
Begin by caring for self
Take responsibility
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I have found the light
My soul searched with compassion
And the message, “I love you”
Comes with knowledge
Understanding the story
That God became a human
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I sing “Silent Night”
The reason for the Season
In stillness He comes
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Early morning reflections from Psalm 19
The Future
December 21, 2014
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I can see the future me
In the story of His love
His kindness calls me to look
Through the lens of hope
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The past and the present blind me
I’ve looked through the lens of despair
Believe the lies handed down
From generations
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Where is the security
Restfulness you’re looking for
The feeling of a safe place
It was not in a place
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I found that peace in a person
Not in a church or in a group
Alone and in the quiet
Searching to be found
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Love came in stillness
Knowledge became my passion
Seeking to do good
To those I meet on the way
I found a fresh way to live
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“Stop grumbling and complaining”
Is what I said to myself
I began to be thankful
For the little things
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Gratitude opened the door
It gave me new eyes to see
The heart of God became flesh
In one man who loved
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Each person gets to decide how to respond to the injustices of life. There is remarkable, incomprehensible greatness in each person. That greatness arises when gratitude fills the soul because there is “nothing on this planet greater than a human being.” * The story of Jesus and His love demonstrated in real life, real time, real flesh, real pain offered a promise that moves us through the dark times with real hope.
*Landon Saunders
rising from desperation
October 24, 2009
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There’s a world within
A place that never leaves me
How do I deal with the pain
Brokenness abounds
Looking at my inner world
I seek answers for my life
There’s a world without
A place that I can’t escape
Pressures and expectations
Calling me each day
Looking at my outer world
Living becomes a challenge
There’s quiet desperation
A reality for many
Masks hide the deep despair
The lonely cry out
So sad and lonely
I rose from desperation
Crying out in the darkness
Looking for some light
I found a friend listening
One who had the time to hear
I am larger than my pain
In solitude I found space
How to think and to detach
Discovered new things
© Terry S. Smith
written October 24, 2009
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a garden
June 13, 2009
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My heart is the place
Where I work each morning
I plow, plant and sow
The seeds are chosen with care
I visualize the fruit
“Loneliness is a desert
Solitude is a garden”*
The mind must be cared for well
I now have a choice
My soul is quiet
In the stillness I listen
Waiting patiently
© Terry S. Smith
written February 10, 2009
* Henri Nouwen
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Your Story Matters 